Monday, March 30, 2009

Bikini Question...Answered

After getting the "why are you letting Brooke wear a bikini" question from my LDS sister-in- law Pam and then the following comment from my LDS friend Kim, I have decided to address the issue on my blog...

Comment: ok........ i just have to say it.....But us Paulings want to know what happened to the TANKINI??????????

Answer: This is Greg's call. Greg had allowed her to get a bikini to wear under her wet suit diving because it is allegedly difficult to wear a tankini under one. He also has changed his stance on swim wear because of our situation with our oldest son Brian who has strayed from the church due partly to what Brian thinks are people in ALL religions being judgmental and stringent on some issues, and lax on others (i.e. he feels that religious people are highly hypocritical). Greg will admit he had judged others until he was in situations where he felt he had been judged. He has now decided that he will pick his battles with his children and I am supporting him on this one.

There are churches in Albuquerque who spew anti-Mormon lies and half-truths in order to hang on to their own members--Greg is bothered by this because he, as a member of the LDS church, believes that all men are free to worship as they please. "Can't we all just get along??!"

This said. Brooke is still a wonderful girl. She is kind, sweet, and lovely to be around--in a tankini or bikini.

PS: Kim's children have always worn bikinis. She was just razzing me because she knows I have always insisted Brooke wear a tankini and not a two piece swimming suit.


PamJorg said...

I didn't mean to offend...just wanted clarification!

PamJorg said...

Oh, and BTW...Brooke IS lovely, kind and we like to be around her! :)

Cheryl J. said...

I'm not offended :-) Don't worry! But I did want to give the reason in case anyone besides you is wondering.

crazygirl said...

i am not looking forward to having this conversation with lindsey.
i was never allowed to wear a bikini..
i bought my first in college for laying out and felt SO BAD about it.
i never wore it again.
i've found this adorable modest suits that i wear and that i will be getting for lindsey.
they are beautiful, classy and sexy..
have a look see!

and this site will have some soon too. i hope!

Erin Edwards said...

Cheryl, you go girl! I think you were brave to explain something that needs no explaining. People are always first to judge. Choose your battles....I have enjoyed following your vacation. I miss Hawaii. Need to go back soon and see some relatives.

Cheryl J. said...

Thanks Jacque! I do appreciate you looking out for us :-) Brooke has a Layers tankini and a Roxy tankini (I buy a tankini or two for her every summer). She wears them too.

Some children are easier than others to raise and need no persuading. You most likely won't have trouble with Lindsey at all :-)

Thanks Erin for understanding :-)

It is a dilemma for me everyone. Do not assume I have taken this lightly.

So you know...I have not had to convince my 2nd child Brent to do/or not do anything that most would consider gospel related. This child has actually made it his goal to go to the temple every Saturday. We have raised him the exact same way as we did our oldest child. When he was younger, he would beg us to go to different temples just so he could get his picture taken next to it. He's always been a stalwart!

I've been noticing that pretty much every family has at least one child who makes choices that are disappointing to their parents. I'm hoping those reading these comments don't have a child that chooses to leave the church. But if/when you do, you may have a change of strategy in your parenting (I promise you will be affected in some way).

Greg was BLACK AND WHITE on everything the majority of our marriage (25 years)...he wouldn't even drink diet coke until the last probably 8 years! He was so strict on everything--Our children were expected to go to mutual even if they were playing slaughter ball (instead of a worthy activity) and had a huge final the next day. And Brent was never allowed to play in championship games for his basketball teams. We pretty much always go to church when on family vacations. We had family scripture study, prayer, and FHE regularly! We don't watch R-rated movies. Our children have never heard us cuss...well no one has as I don't even say the piddly curse words that some say when angry.

It seems that we all have areas in our church lives that we are strong in, and some where there is room for improvement.

True story: When I was in college at BYU...I remember watching the Super Bowl with some other roommates and some of our guy friends. I think Jim McMahon (from BYU) might have been playing. One of my roommates was furious that we were watching sports on Sunday and berated us AS SHE WALKED IN THE DOOR CARRYING THE GROCERIES SHE HAD JUST PURCHASED.

I would like to advise all of you to "never say never..." It will surely come back to bite you in the hiney ;-) And those of you who have been bishops KNOW that pretty much every family has something going on...we just don't always see/know everything.

I love you all! :-)

sarah said...

Honestly -- I was just suprized you would post a picture on your blog of it. It just scares me who is looking at it...especially since it is not a private blog....just my two cents :) I wore a two piece as a kid and I turned out okay??? I think :0 I did anyway!

Cheryl J. said...

If the girls were posing inappropriately, I would worry about posting them, but they are at the beach having fun. And if I really believed there were people leering at those innocent pictures when they could find girls with way less clothing on with one click of the mouse, then I would worry. But I appreciate your concern (and do think you turned out okay Sarah! LOL).

Anonymous said...

Dear Cheryl,

I think it very brave of you to be honest about your struggles/disappointments. Difficult to share, I know, but I guarantee you have given courage to someone by sharing these thoughts.

You know I am not LDS, but Lutheran (and grew up Catholic). I believe there are many true religions (including LDS) that lead to our same God. Like your oldest son, I too strayed from all religion around his age. Sometimes that just has to happen to strengthen your faith, as it ultimately did with me. My son has also strayed (he is almost 18) because he is angry with God over the death of my Mom. I pray for him daily and know in my heart that he too, as will your son, come back to God. I think we have both provided a firm foundation for our children to fall back on. They will return.

As for the bikini issue - I think Brooke and her friend look adorable and innocent. I too have learned to pick my battles with the kids and wearing a bikini in the large scheme of things is not big enough to war over for my family. Every family is different and other people may indeed think this is a battle they need to win, and that is OK. We just need to remember not to judge - much easier said than done I know.

Anyway, thanks for sharing all that you do - in good times and in difficult ones as well. This is why I love your blog - it is real!

Missty said...

Cheryl - you rock! I agree we need to pick our battles with our kids, those who say never on anything - don't have any teens or young adults! lol Me personally - I don't have an issue with it. And I think not everything is Black/white. Life just can't be.
The other thing that bothers me - Is why in the HELL must we explain why we let our kids or not let our kids do something? Or why were where somewhere, or not somewhere. If I didn't go to church today. And then get questioned, I just say "Yep I wasn't there." lol Amazing that many think we need to answer to each other. Why does someone I am not Married to need clarification on something I am fully aware of. (You know she is wearing a bikini - your taking the picture!!) lol

You are taking this good. I would be rather ticked and tell those that ? to Mind thier own business. But I have a few relatives who are always raising there disapproving eyebrows our way. LOL We laugh at them.

Kim said...

Come one people like Cheryl who are so VOCAL........ would expect people Like ME to Say someting....Im gonna speak for Pam too...having heard Cheryl over the years give her opinion on the matter... we had to say something???... Yes I am a Brat... and I do have the Just BITE ME attitude and response to dumb people. (which I kinda thought cheryl was gonna give me haha)

Cheryl J. said...

Ha ha Kim (I already told you what Ali Mack said to tell everyone who may be judging, but since I don't curse...)

That said, I've never judged your daughters about wearing their cute bikinis have I (I've maybe envied their adorable figures, but that's it LOL)? Kim knows that I insisted Brooke wear tankinis--that is until my husband said it wasn't a big deal for Brooke to wear a bikini :-)

Man, I've had this blog forever...Is this what it takes to get my friends to comment my blog? A little controversy? LOL